Marx, God and the Devil (Humour)

 

‘When Karl Marx arrived at the Pearly Gates, St Peter had a problem: Marx was listed in the Big Book. St Peter gave God a quick call to explain that Marx had turned up and what he should do about it.



Marx!” said God “How did he get on the list. He’s been bad-mouthing me for years. ‘Opium of the masses’ indeed! Give Old Nick down below a call and see if he’ll take him, he owes me a favour or two.”



St Peter dutifully rang Satan. ”Yeah, go on, we’ll take him.” replied Satan ”Don’t know how he didn’t get sent here in the first place given all the trouble he’s caused.”



So Marx was sent to Hell.



Two weeks later, Satan rang God. ”See that Marx, its really not working out. All the demons are out on strike, there’s protests and demonstrations everyday with Marx keep urging people to cast off their chains. He’s causing absolute chaos. He was on your list so you need to take him back.”



Eventually God reluctantly agreed that Marx could be admitted to Heaven after all.



After a couple of weeks went by and Satan rang God to see whether everything was working out, but an angel answered the phone. “Hey, Gabriel”, said Satan “can I speak to your boss?”



Boss?” said the angel



Yeah, you know, God” said Satan, impatiently



Oh, him! Ah, no, not any more”, replied Gabriel “No bosses here, we’re all comrades now!”’

Marx, God and the Devil (Humour)

 

‘When Karl Marx arrived at the Pearly Gates, St Peter had a problem: Marx was listed in the Big Book. St Peter gave God a quick call to explain that Marx had turned up and what he should do about it.



Marx!” said God “How did he get on the list. He’s been bad-mouthing me for years. ‘Opium of the masses’ indeed! Give Old Nick down below a call and see if he’ll take him, he owes me a favour or two.”



St Peter dutifully rang Satan. ”Yeah, go on, we’ll take him.” replied Satan ”Don’t know how he didn’t get sent here in the first place given all the trouble he’s caused.”



So Marx was sent to Hell.



Two weeks later, Satan rang God. ”See that Marx, its really not working out. All the demons are out on strike, there’s protests and demonstrations everyday with Marx keep urging people to cast off their chains. He’s causing absolute chaos. He was on your list so you need to take him back.”



Eventually God reluctantly agreed that Marx could be admitted to Heaven after all.



After a couple of weeks went by and Satan rang God to see whether everything was working out, but an angel answered the phone. “Hey, Gabriel”, said Satan “can I speak to your boss?”



Boss?” said the angel



Yeah, you know, God” said Satan, impatiently



Oh, him! Ah, no, not any more”, replied Gabriel “No bosses here, we’re all comrades now!”’

Marx, God and the Devil (Humour)

 

‘When Karl Marx arrived at the Pearly Gates, St Peter had a problem: Marx was listed in the Big Book. St Peter gave God a quick call to explain that Marx had turned up and what he should do about it.



Marx!” said God “How did he get on the list. He’s been bad-mouthing me for years. ‘Opium of the masses’ indeed! Give Old Nick down below a call and see if he’ll take him, he owes me a favour or two.”



St Peter dutifully rang Satan. ”Yeah, go on, we’ll take him.” replied Satan ”Don’t know how he didn’t get sent here in the first place given all the trouble he’s caused.”



So Marx was sent to Hell.



Two weeks later, Satan rang God. ”See that Marx, its really not working out. All the demons are out on strike, there’s protests and demonstrations everyday with Marx keep urging people to cast off their chains. He’s causing absolute chaos. He was on your list so you need to take him back.”



Eventually God reluctantly agreed that Marx could be admitted to Heaven after all.



After a couple of weeks went by and Satan rang God to see whether everything was working out, but an angel answered the phone. “Hey, Gabriel”, said Satan “can I speak to your boss?”



Boss?” said the angel



Yeah, you know, God” said Satan, impatiently



Oh, him! Ah, no, not any more”, replied Gabriel “No bosses here, we’re all comrades now!”’

…You’d have to cry.


Six days of the week it soils, With its sickening poison for paying a few bills, That’s out of proportion.’

Philip Larkin. Toads.

‘We are told we do not work hard enough nor long enough.’

This is the Labour party. We believe in the dignity of work and we believe in the dignity of every worker, which is why I am not afraid to take the big decisions needed to return this country to their interests whether that’s on welfare, immigration, our public services or our public finances…

‘Starmer said the current system was “discouraging people from working”.

The numbers of young people out of work meant “a wasted generation”, he said, with one in eight young people not in education, employment or training. “The people who really need that safety net [are] still not always getting the dignity they deserve.

“That’s unsustainable, it’s indefensible and it is unfair, people feel that in their bones,” he said. “It runs contrary to those deep British values that if you can work, you should. And if you want to work, the government should support you, not stop you.”’

Below is from the September 1923 issue of the Socialist Standard

‘We are told we do not work hard enough nor long enough.

Unemployment, and the evils resulting from it, are said to be due to the fact that the workers will not work. Stagnation in business is supposed to be due to the workers’ dislike for work. This is the piffle continually coming from the master class and their agents. Facts, however, prove the contrary to be true. The more we work, the greater our poverty becomes; the more we work, the greater the wealth of the master class becomes. We look back into the past history of society and see that there was a time when the people were only able to produce sufficient for their subsistence; thus it was essential that all should work.

As recently as the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries there was no such thing as unemployment through lack of work. Yet, in the days of feudalism, feudal slaves did not work so hard as wage slaves do to-day. Although working less, the people were better off; in recent times, though the workers work harder, poverty and its resultant evils have become greater. If we do not work hard, society would be short of the necessaries of life, ’tis said; but we know that food, clothing, shelter, and luxuries exist in great abundance.

The problem which the capitalist class cannot solve is how to dispose of the whole of the vast amount of goods produced. Factories, warehouses, stores, and shops are crowded with goods, and until these are sold, more will not be wanted. These goods can be bought with money only; money can be obtained by the workers only through working. Goods unsold mean no work for many; no work means no money. This state of affairs is brought about by overproduction, which proves that the workers have been working too much. But the irony of the position is that the workers, who have produced this vast wealth, are denied access to it. Why? Because it belongs to the capitalists. How have the latter gained control of this wealth? By robbing the producers. By this means the capitalist class have become the private owners of the means of living, i.e., factories, land, railways, etc., and they have made laws and raised armed forces to protect their property from the attacks of the workers.

Now, workers, you have the power to alter all this; you have the power to make life well worth living, by gaining control of the means of living. You have this power because the numbers of the working class far exceed those of the capitalist class. Riots, strikes, and bloody revolutions of the past have not given workers control of the means of living. To-day, these methods are still useless. But we have one method which is a sure method—the vote. To be able to use the vote to advantage requires knowledge. Workers, study Socialism, fight for Socialism, and bring about the Socialist Commonwealth which will free you from your chains and give a full and happy life to all.’

E. W. C.

https://socialiststandardmyspace.blogspot.com/2018/09/work-1923.html

Socialist Sonnet No. 185

Appeasement

 

There’s insistence amongst political

Gangsters that only bellicosity

Can deter a rival’s ferocity;

Be a serpent, not a worm that turns tail,

With the inevitable consequence,

Of aggressors taking encouragement

From any expressed pacific intent.

Munich’s often cited, with an implied sense

It is moral turpitude and weakness

To insist war is a terrible waste,

While any real peace can only be based

On martialled military means to impress.

Alternatives, however realistic,

Tend to send politicians ballistic.

 

D. A.

If you didn’t laugh…

 

The headline in The Guardian reads,Starmer decries ‘worst of all worlds’ benefits system ahead of deep cuts.’

Britain’s benefits system is the “worst of all worlds”, with the number of people out of work or training “indefensible and unfair”, the prime minister has said as he prepares for deep cuts to disability payments.

Addressing a private meeting of Labour MPs Keir Starmer said he would take tough decisions to cut the bill for working age health and disability benefits, which is expected to hit £70bn by 2030.

The government has already vowed to cut £3bn over the next three years and is expected to announce billions more in savings from the personal independence payment (Pip), the main disability benefit.’

The guy is wasted in his role as Prime Minister. He should be a stand-up comedian. He would have his audience rolling in the aisles with mirth.

He’s already got plenty of knock ‘em dead material – different material to the one that wants to send the British working class to go fight and die in Ukraine.

His ‘welfare’ material includes, ‘It runs contrary to those deep British values that if you can work, you should. And if you want to work, the government should support you, not stop you’.

Also, ‘This is the Labour party. We believe in the dignity of work and we believe in the dignity of every worker, which is why I am not afraid to take the big decisions needed to return this country to their interests whether that’s on welfare, immigration, our public services or our public finances’.

Just give us a minutes whilst we wipe the tears fro our eyes and hold our aching from laughter stomachs. Firstly, who on earth still thinks that the Labour Party represents the working class? Did those who voted for it in 2024 think so? Secondly, the ‘deep British values’ are those of the ruling British capitalist class who have no qualms at all about firing workers when economic circumstances change and it’s profits are negatively affected.

Work is a Hobson’s Choice in a capitalist society where the necessities of life can only be obtained through the means of exchange which means selling one’s physical/mental labour power for a wage/salary in order to buy what one needs in order to live, work…repeat, and repeat again and again.The government is concerned that the recent growth in the bill for these benefits, which rose by nearly £13bn to £48bn between 2019-20 and 2023-24, is unsustainable.’ Governments within a capitalist system are there to run affairs for the benefit of the national capitalist class as a whole even if the are disagreements about various things between that class.

This threatened attack upon the weak in society is intended to lessen the burden of the capitalist class in its financial support of the state.

Starmer’s warfare will need funding from somewhere too.

How much longer willl the majority allow this all to continue? As Percy Shelley pointed out, we are many, they are few! Better late than never to understand and implement socialism. What’s stopping that?

Note: not suggesting socialism in one country only, socialism has to replace capitalism globally.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/mar/10/starmer-decries-worst-of-all-worlds-benefits-systems-ahead-of-deep-cuts




Birmingham Woes


Trigger warning for those with musophobia. To those unfamiliar with Robert Browning’s poem retelling of the Pied Piper legend it concerns the town of Hamelin in Germany which, in the middle ages, was a town overrun with rats.

One day a stranger appears before the Town Council and offers to rid the town of rats for one thousand guilders. This he proceeds to do by playing upon his pipe and leading all the rats into the river Weser to be drowned.

When he demands his agreed payment the Mayor and the council go back on the bargain, the rats no longer plaguing the town, and they thinking of how much wine they could refill their cellars for, offer him fifty guilders instead.

y failing to keep the bargain they cause the Pied Piper to take a terrible revenge upon the town

A recent story in the MailOnline describes the rat problems now faced by the citizens of Birmingham. Those interviewed ascribe the problem to the financial problems which the city finds itself in which have resulted in industrial action by bin men along with an increase in fly tipping and problems caused by work on the HS2 high speed railway.

The article notes the ‘outrage’ caused by the council now charging twenty four pounds per visit to get council pet control operatives to attend and deal with problems. This was once a free service.

Birmingham Council is Labour controlled and the subtext of the article is to infer that Labour is incompetent at running an enterprise like Birmingham Council. Which it may be. Birmingham has a ‘nine figure hole in its finances.’

The article lists the swingeing cuts to various welfare and other programmes that will take place and notes that higher charges will also occur in some.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14464457/city-rats-Birmingham-residents-horror-surge-rodents-tax-bin-strikes.html

A recent piece in The Sun focused upon a suburb of Birmingham, Perry Barr, which it describes as the unemployment centre of the UK. The article then goes on to speak of crime and drug abuse there.

A Job Centre employee is quoted, anonymously, as saying, ‘Most people don’t want to work because they are being paid too much – up to £3,000 per month.’ Are Sun readers going to unthinkingly accept figures like this and then mutter in outrage about the scrounging jobless?

Surprisingly the article offers balance in quoting individuals who speak of the difficulties in getting employment in that area. There are six areas of Birmingham listed in the top ten UK unemployment hotspots.

However, it can’t resist another dig, so quotes someone who says, ‘A lot of jobless people have more money than people in work. It is laziness, they won’t do certain jobs and think ‘Why should I work when I get more in the benefits system?’.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/33575799/unemployed-joblessness-capital-uk-birmingham

The blight which so negatively affects organisations operating in the present system and which makes individuals lives so miserable is capitalism. Until the majority understand this and are prepared to work toward the only sane alternative then misery of one kind or anothBer will continue to abound.






Business as usual

 ‘Many people appear to be shocked and affronted by the behaviour of those who currently control state power in the US.

They seem to have ‘blackmailed’ Ukraine to force them into an agreement about rare earths. They claim that they will take over Greenland ‘one way or the other’ (for raw materials and ‘defence’ it seems) and will ‘reclaim’ the Panama Canal – presumably by armed force in both cases, if necessary.

This is business as usual for any capitalist state – and that business is the protection of trade routes, markets and sources of industrial inputs. But for now the gloves have come off, there is less pretence than usual.

A true reflection of the economic system that it serves.’



https://www.worldsocialism.org/spgb/

Socialist Sonnet No.184

Socialist Sonnet No.184 (A)

Challenging (1)

 

There is a challenge to we advocates

Of our world being transformed by conscious choice,

Here is the quaver of doubt in my voice.

I’m a frequent witness to parlous states

Hedgerows, verges and lay-bys are left in;

Tree hung dog-poo bags, or tied up and tossed

Amongst bottles and cans and slimy waste

Of fast food cartons by those bereft in

Their social concern, the couldn’t-carers

For whom self not others matters the most.

Meanwhile, volunteers are doing their best

To make things better, as litter pickers.

Social and anti-social, here’s a schism

That’s not the fault of capitalism.

 

Socialist Sonnet No.184 (B)

Challenging (2)

 

It certainly seems at times there are those

Who are despoilers, being bent on making

The world worse, intent only in taking,

Without consideration or remorse.

They stand in contradistinction to all

The many, many unreported acts

Of humanity, unacknowledged facts,

Obscured by the far fewer that appal.

People can choose, sometimes it’s the wrong choice,

Hindering progress, even appearing

To reverse it.  Those resolved on steering

Towards better, need a persistent voice

Amidst the clamour of competing views,

And media dedicated to bad news.

 

D. A.